I really hope you can help me with this as I just do not know what to do. I am a single mother of 4 children and my youngest son has “Come Out” to me as gay. He desires to wear make-up, very tight jeans, and has a boyfriend. It has been the single most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. I am a Christian and believe it to be a sin. My husband is so angry that he just does not talk to him AT ALL. (Of course it is a major strain on my marriage) My other children as well as youth in school, make fun of him. Lastly, he has become very depressed and I just want to help him.
Thank you so much Mom for reaching out for help. I know that this issue is very difficult for so many reasons. However, your job as a mother is to love, protect, direct, and support him. Now, as a Christian, this is totally against your belief system, but the reason Jesus came was to save the world through LOVE. You must separate the person from the sin. You love your son despite the fact you hate the sin. I want you to just begin sitting with you son and talking with him about how he feels. Provide him a safe place to share his fear, thoughts, and emotions. The thing that has me the most concerned is his depression as according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports the GLBT youth are more vulnerable to mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide. The group also reports that gay youth who are accepted by both parents as had lower levels of depression and anxiety. I have several things I would suggest you do; however I do not want to overwhelm you. I suggest family counseling, show love to son, write him letters detailing how much you love him and praise his honesty. Seek to gain knowledge about the LGBT Community www.glsen.org.
I am a business owner and I have a staff person who has been with me since I started my business. I have tried over the years to prepare her to advance and take on more responsibility. This would allow her to make more money. I have noticed the more I try the worse her performance and attitude becomes.
Frustrated Business Owner.
Being a leader is a very challenging space to occupy as you have to do what is best for the business and not just for the staff individually. Often we may see something in a staff-person and desire to assist them to do better. The major part of this though is that you cannot do more for a person than they are willing to do for themselves. If the attitude and performance are not improving then you may need to replace her or continue to pay her for subpar performance. You must protect the business and not allow a feeling of obligation to set you on a slippery slop to failure.
Dr. Sabrina Jackson is “The People Expert” helping people with people, even if that person is themselves. Author of “He Is Not A Statistic: 12 Laws for Single Mothers Raising Black Males” available at www.sabrinajackson.com . Call 800-456-5495 or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org with your people issues and follow on twitter at sabrinasje