Advice Column: Dr. Sabrina Says
I really need some help. I am a father in a blended family. I have custody of my 2 children and my ex-wife is just a difficult person. She constantly tries to do things to cause my current wife and me grief. She will keep things at her house the kids need for school, not allow the kids to call home while on visits with her, and talks very negatively about my current wife to the kids. My current wife feels that am catering to her and not putting her first. I try to keep them apart, but then my wife feels I am excluding her. I am simply trying to keep the peace but I need help as I have no clue how to make it better.
I am so glad you wrote on this specific question, as 2,100 new blended families are formed daily in America. You along with the majority of blended families fail to seek professional counseling while forming the new family. There are so many dynamics that go into a successful formation of the blended family. For your specific issues, I recommend the following:
You and your wife must sit and put all issues out on the table, discuss them, and develop a plan of action that both are comfortable with.
Then, the both of you need to talk with the children’s mother “Together”. You must present a united front and begin the conversation with the purpose of the meeting is to develop a plan that will be peace-filled for everyone.
Make sure that you as the parents who have custody of the children, communicate the issues, events, and school progress with the mother. As the adults, respect for each involved is critical.
Lastly, in order for peace to prevail….Forgive….it creates peace within you!!!
I need help with how I relate with ME!!!! I am an elementary school principal who works almost around the clock. In my role, I am faced with so many issues and I feel like I am on roller skates daily. I work late, over weekends, and holidays. I sleep only 2-3 hours daily. I have been having chest pains and went to the doctor. I am so scared as she told me I need some more extensive test. I am just a wreck!!
A Perplexed Principal
My sister you need to make YOU the priority. So often when we are caregivers, nurturers, and helpers in the world we take care of everyone but ourselves. You must now some facts about stress:
*Stress increases your heart rate
*Stress is normal but high amounts of it can lead to physical health issues
*Stress affects the mind and the body.
*Excessive/Unmanaged stress can lead to death
The most important thing in managing stress is to create balance in your life. You can NOT work all the time and not take care of yourself. You have to make Candice’s health a priority, as you are the only You…you have. Immediately start:
*Leaving Work at Work
*Getting 6-8 hours of sleep daily
*Exercise (walk, yoga, and water aerobics)
*Do things that make you laugh (Laughter is medicine for the soul)
I know you can turn this around…I believe in YOU!!!