Dr Sabrina Advice Column: Helping People with People
I really need some help with my mess of a marriage. Let me begin by stating that I married my current husband to make my first child’s father jealous. I went ahead and married him, and then we had two children together. I must admit that I was not sure if both were his. I did find out that one was not his and we divorced. I am currently remarried to him and have not told my children’s fathers that I have re-married. I am very sad and do not know what to do. Please give some direction
Depressed in a Mess
Let me begin by commending you on the courage it took to write so openly about such sensitive issues. You have woven a tangled web; however, you have made the first step in unraveling the ball of confusion, which is being real with how you feel and owning your own stuff. I must say that love works God’s way; however, too often we seek to do it our way. You began by stating that you married your husband the first time for the wrong reason. Just because you have children is not a reason to stay married. You must work on walking in truth, as it will make you free! You deserve to be in a healthy, whole relationship, and so does your husband! Get clear on what you want and begin with being honest with yourself and your husband. If you decide to try, it takes two, and both must do the work of forgiveness and building trust. Know that God can make your mess a message! You can get past these issues!
I am a 60-year-old man who has never been true to one woman my whole life. I have a new relationship with a wonderful woman and I desire to be a one-woman man (finally). After all this time, is it even possible?
Yes, yes, yes–it is possible to be monogamous with this wonderful new woman. It may take some work, but you can do it. The first thing is to make up your mind that you are a different man. What you think, you say, and what you say, you create. Begin to think differently about yourself and the life you desire to build. You may want to spend some time thinking about the examples you had growing up and how you have imitated those throughout your life. Now, I must mention that if your issues are deeper, you may need professional help. If you have a form of sexual addition (which 9 million Americans have), there is help available through Sex Addicts Anonymous (800-477-8191).
Dr. Sabrina Jackson is “The People Expert,” helping people with people, even if that person is themselves. This renowned therapist can be found counseling pastors, executives, and celebrities. Call 800-456-5495or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org with your relationship issues… all your people issues, not just love issues.